If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize