my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I supernannyed him into submission
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
