She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
