Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize