she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
