My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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