woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
