Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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