Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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