Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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