She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
