I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
