Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize