***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
