My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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