my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
