Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just took my morning after pill in the library
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
