Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize