hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize