I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize