Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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