Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
