You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
