Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
