I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
