we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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