My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize