I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
