I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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