I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
