Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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