I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If that was your dad, he is hot
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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