Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
