I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
