just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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