mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
