And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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