okay pat passed out under dana's car
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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