Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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