bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
