I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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