I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
