4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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