My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
