maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
