Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize