you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
