Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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