How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
