I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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