What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
