i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
