I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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