i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
