Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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