I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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