Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
