Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize