You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you will always have a special place in my vag
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
