Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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