If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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