I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
