i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
