The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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