Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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