I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
