Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize