Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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